Usually when you see "expectations versus reality" together it's in a snarky meme or something that basically highlights how reality doesn’t always meet the level of our expectations. If you need a laugh, there are some funny ones out there! "Pinterest fails" of baking and craft ideas that didn't turn out as beautifully as the original post, family photos that didn't go as planned, and all kinds of other things.
They all poke fun at how things don't go as perfectly as expected, and let's be honest, we all know what that feels like! Most often we tend to think reality is the “problem” and will always let us down, but the truth is a wild expectation for perfection and/or overly cynical expectations are the real culprits. We carry expectations around but we don't often stop to look at what it is that we expect. So I want to give you a chance to explore your expectations and how they can impact your weight loss journey. Taking the time to do this will set you up for a smoother experience!
In the name of expectations versus reality- maybe I should help you manage your expectations for this post by letting you know this is a mindset focused post…surprise! 😉. It can be something you skim over, or you can sit with it and really work on exploring your own expectations!
What's an Expectation?
According to Google's dictionary, an expectation is:
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. "reality had not lived up to expectations"
(See, even the example sentence under the definition talks about reality not matching expectations!)
Call it mindset, call it thoughts, call it beliefs, whatever you'd like the terms to be, your posture towards what you're about to do matters! Thinking about what you expect will happen in your weight loss journey is really important because your expectation can affect the reality of your experience. Thankfully, expectations are something you can manage, edit, and refine; you don’t have to stick with the first thing that comes to mind!
What do you expect your weight loss experience will be like? What do you think will happen? Write down the first things that come to mind, don’t write down what you think you *should* expect, but what you honestly expect.
Where Do Your Expectations Come From?
An expectation can be negative or positive and many things converge together to form one: your beliefs, your experiences, your understanding of facts, your level of hope, etc. A lot goes into how you form an expectation for what will happen in your weight loss journey!
When you stop to look at 1) what your expectations are 2) where they come from, you'll be able to see more clearly whether they're rooted in a more positive place, or in a more negative place. Either extreme- overly positive or overly negative- will not serve you well. Looking at what the roots of your expectations are can help you decide what you want to be influenced by going forward.
Now that you know what some of your expectations are, are they more positive or negative? Write down where you think those expectations ultimately come from- prior experiences, certain people in your life, something you read/heard, etc.
Why do Your Expectations Matter?
Expectations are beneficial to have because they mean you're looking forward and you're thinking ahead about your weight loss journey. More important than just having an expectation is the quality of your expectation! Your expectations can leave you more (or less) mentally and emotionally prepared for your weight loss journey, so they're worth spending some time on.
What you expect can color your weight loss experience, so you want to choose hopeful yet balanced expectations. Think of your expectations like a filter or lens you look through. If the filter you look through is negative, that is likely what you'll see and feel- negative. If your filter is more positive, you're more likely to see things in a positive way when you look at your process, and of course that will feel better too!
You can look forward toward your weight management journey in fear and with negativity, or you can look forward with hope and wonder. How have your expectations helped you or hindered you in the past in the area of your health?
The Habit of Expectations
A simple view of expectations is that you can have a positive expectation or a negative expectation about something. Some people tend towards the positive side of things, while others tend towards the negative side of things. But it's actually not as much a personality trait as it is a learned habit!
Think about this. How many young children (think 5 years old) do you know who walk around saying things like, "the forecast says it'll be sunny, but I bet it'll rain all week." Or, "We're going to the movie theater? They'll probably be out of tickets by the time we get there." Or, "When I grow up I want to be a doctor...but I'm probably not smart enough." Young children don't often think like that! They're full of dreams, hope, and wonder.
Adults, however, seem to say things like that much more often. Thoughts and statements like those may seem like no big deal, but the actual hopelessness in them can be damaging. Especially when it’s about more than buying a movie ticket; when it’s about supporting your health it just matters more!
As life happens and we experience more years on the planet, we (hopefully) grow in maturity but sometimes we pick up bad habits along the way too. One of those habits can be trying to protect ourselves from disappointment by 'expecting less' in life, but it ends up being self-sabotage more than protection! Instead of possibly experiencing disappointment later on, we are firmly choosing it now when we carry a negative expectation.
Look at the quality of your own expectations for weight loss. Are they negative? Positive? Somewhere in-between? If you’ve found yourself holding more negative expectations than positive, you’re in good company because most of us experience that way of thinking, until we challenge it!
Challenge Your Negative Expectations
Negative expectations and cynicism will steal from you. They steal your current hope and joy and they can impact your future too. For example, if you truly have a negative expectation that your weight loss efforts won't work, you're likely to just close the door on the journey altogether and stay right where you are. It never protects from disappointment, it only adds a sense of heaviness to you from the start!
Not only can we believe that choosing a negative expectation is protecting us from future disappointment or other tough emotions, but sometimes we even call it maturity or wisdom to be "realistic" (ie. negative). The only trouble is, cynicism is not mature or wise, it's just pessimistic.
If you realize that you've picked up the bad habit of negative expectations along the way in life, you don't need to set aside the genuine maturity and wisdom you've gained from your life experiences, but I do challenge you to lose any cynicism you've picked up along the way!
Don't let negative expectations steal from you- learn to challenge them! Even after you decide to work on shifting the quality of your expectations, it's a process to change that negative filter. Practicing these steps will help you through the process of challenging your negative expectations
#1 Become Aware of Your Expectations
Start by practicing being aware of what you think and say about yourself, your health, and your weight loss journey. The more you recognize any negative expectations you have and where they came from, the easier it will be to deal with them and replace them over time.
#2 Be Ready & Willing to Throw Off Negativity
Treat a negative expectation about your weight loss journey like you would a fur coat in the heat of summer. Waste no time in taking it off your shoulders! There's no healthy purpose for negativity in this season of your health journey.
So when a thought like "this won't work for me," or, "there's something wrong with my body," pops up, throw it out. Throwing off a negative expectation leaves room for a hopeful expectation.
#3 Think More Like a Child
You can't just stop at throwing off the negative expectation, though that's a good start. You'll need something better to take its place in order to truly get rid of it for good. This suggestion might surprise you, but you have to start thinking like a child again- with more hope and wonder! I don't mean you need to think immature and childish, but when you embrace hope over your goals you naturally will leave aside the cynicism.
Don't forget to take advantage of your support system while you're working on this! (Friends, groups, counselors, health professionals, etc) You don't have to talk to anyone as you work on this, but it could lighten the load for you!
Choosing Hopeful Expectations
Don't worry, you won't need to see only stars and sparkles when you consider your weight loss journey either! The answer is not in being extremely positive. The healthy spot is where you let in a bit of childlike hope and wonder, yet you keep aware of the parameters/limitations of reality. Choosing a hopeful expectation that's grounded in reality can make all the difference.
This is a silly example, but having a hopeful expectation when you go to a horse riding stable doesn't mean you expect to find a flying unicorn, but you do hope to find a healthy, strong horse! A child might hope for a unicorn, but an adult can hope for a healthy, strong horse (instead of expecting them all to be old/sick and unable to ride).
There are real boundaries and limitations we come up against in real life, so taking these into account is part of creating a healthy, hopeful expectation. Can you see the balance to it? Since the majority of people battle with negative filters, spend more time on choosing to see your weight loss journey through a lens of hope! (We'll dive into the 'reality' piece more in the next post)
Make Room for Hope!
Hope is vital for your weight loss journey, and sometimes you have to fight to find some before you even begin! Before setting out to do something is often when the doubts and negative thoughts seem to come flying through, right? That's where that childlike outlook comes in- choosing to have a curiosity about your weight loss journey will make room for hope. According to Google's dictionary, this is a definition of hope:
1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
grounds for believing that something good may happen.
"he does see some hope for the future"
As an adult it may not come as naturally, so you need to allow yourself to have hope when it comes to your health goals. Even if you have a bit of hesitancy right along with it, that's ok, just keep cultivating more hope over your weight management journey! If you think about it, no weight loss plan will work for you if you don't have the hope to try it. Hope isn't an optional bonus, it's essential!
Where can you make room for hope in your thoughts and expectations? What do you hope will happen in your weight loss experience?
Weight Loss & Expectations
Now that we've talked about what expectations are and how to work on the habit of expectations, let's look at how the various kinds of expectations can play out when it comes to the specific example of a 3 month weight loss journey.
The Negative Expectation (grounded in cynicism/lacks hope)
A negative expectation says that weight loss isn't worth your time/energy/money investment because it won't work for you, so you don't even consider beginning a 3 month journey. The negative expectation stops you from moving forward, and you continue in your current patterns.
The Overly Positive Expectation (not grounded in reality)
The unrealistic positive expectation says that you will lose 50 pounds in 3 months time with no challenges and you'll never see the numbers on the scale do anything but go down. This kind of expectation actually partners with denial and will leave you feeling burnt out and disappointed because it isn't grounded in reality.
The Healthy, Hopeful Expectation (grounded in hope & reality)
A healthy, hopeful expectation says you will lose weight and gain healthy habits over the course of 3 months. The hopeful expectation also holds room for realistic things like transition periods and occasional challenges along the way. This kind of expectation will keep you more steady mentally and emotionally while you pursue genuine progress towards your goals.
#1 It's not overly negative
#2 It makes room for the positive
#3 It doesn't deny the imperfections of real life
When you think about your weight loss process, you don't want to be buried under negative expectations, or trying to work yourself up with overly positive expectations; you want to have your feet firmly planted on the ground with a healthy, hopeful expectation! A healthy, hopeful expectation will leave you feeling open to things going really well, yet unintimidated by the possibility of a couple challenges along the way. Choose a healthy, hopeful expectation for your health goals!
You & Your Expectations
If you're at the point where you know you'd like to see changes in your health through weight loss, begin to challenge any negative expectations you might have about the process and replace them with hopeful expectations! This kind of mindset work will really help smooth out your journey. Instead of fearing that you'll be surprised by something not going well, what if you're surprised by things going well? What if it goes smoother than you think? What if you end up enjoying the process? When you look ahead and think about your goals, choose hope!
If you'd like some individualized support to simplify this, I'd love to help. Send me a chat or simply follow this link to set up a strategy session!
Get RD Nutrition is a virtual nutrition practice for residents of North Carolina- offering weight management support, right where you are! If you're ready to make lasting changes in your weight, check out the link to learn more about our programs and packages at Get RD Nutrition. Feel free to send me a chat- I'd love to hear from you!
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